As with many businesses, Santa’s workshop is struggling to remain productive and competitive in the face of staffing shortages and supply chain issues.
Santa’s biggest headache at the moment is that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not yet approved any of the available vaccines for elves. With his entire production crew unable to comply with the workshop’s vaccination mandate, Santa wondered how he would ever have presents for everyone on the nice list.
The Subcontracting Option
Just then, Santa received a call from the Grinch who offered to provide all of the gifts that Santa would need on Christmas Eve. Santa asked the Grinch how he planned to do this with so little time left. “You don’t need to worry about that” replied the Grinch “And it’s best if you don’t. Let’s just say I have a very specialized method for procuring Christmas presents.” After negotiating a very modest price for the Grinch’s services, Santa asked him how he could afford to be so generous. “I guess I just have a big heart” said the Grinch with a creepy sort of a laugh as he hung up the phone.
Though a bit unnerved by this exchange, Santa decided he should not look a gift horse in the mouth. With his sourcing problems now suddenly resolved, Santa asked Frosty the Snowman to come to his office.
“Frosty, I understand you are claiming a medical exemption from our vaccine mandate?”
“That’s right” said Frosty. “They have to store those vaccines at an extremely cold temperature but every time they warm it up and give it to me, it immediately freezes back up again. My doctor says my body just can’t handle the vaccine so I can’t get the shot.”
Santa gave an understanding nod but reminded Frosty that he would have to wear a mask and face shield in order to work. “But I’ve got a button nose and two eyes made out of coal. How would I ever catch this virus?” asked Frosty. “Sorry” replied Santa. “Rules are rules.”
Let’s Be Real
After Frosty left, Santa turned his attention to his delivery woes. With 4 of the reindeer out with COVID, he had posted an opening for some temps to help pull the sleigh. Santa and Mrs. Claus studied the list of recent applicants:
“Hmm, here’s a flying squirrel named Rocky – that could work” mused Santa. “And Dumbo the flying elephant says he has the whole day off from the circus so he can help out. Do you see any other good candidates?” Mrs. Claus replied “Nothing here but I’ve seen pictures of a dog named Snoopy flying around on his doghouse like a fighter pilot. If he can do that, I bet he can fly a sleigh too.”
Santa chuckled and replied “I don’t think Snoopy is real. I mean, whoever heard of a flying dog – that’s ridiculous. Let’s just stay in the real world, shall we?” Santa said with an amused little smile.
Santa decided that he had enough “horsepower” to pull the sleigh and turned his attention to trying to work through all the international travel restrictions that might impact the big night.
Just then, Rudolph popped his glowing head into the office and said “Hey Boss, I just got an email saying that our candy canes and sugar plums are on back-order until January. Also, we are only going to get about 20% of our coal delivery on time. Looks like there will be a lot of empty stockings this year.”
Santa sighed “If we manage to get presents to everyone this year, it will be a true Christmas miracle.”
The Minnesota Employment Law Report wishes all of our loyal readers a very joyous holiday.
*Dennis Merley is our retired partner and friend, and we are thrilled that he agreed to write the annual “Santa Blog.” We hope it brings you as much holiday cheer as it did us when reading it. Thank you Dennis!